


Learn to be Lonely (Grell Sutcliff x Reader)

by Hylla_Tavorian_Aldan



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: F/M, First smut ever, Grell Sutcliff/Reader - Freeform, Grell is a male, I'm Not Ashamed, Shameless Smut, Smut, slight angst at first, technically he's male
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-10-04 23:33:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10292516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hylla_Tavorian_Aldan/pseuds/Hylla_Tavorian_Aldan
Summary: You were like Ciel Phanomhive, in a way. Moody, brooding, a bit morbid...those were a few of your defining traits. You were also like Sebastian Michaelis. Cold, ever-so-charming(when you wanted to be), the fiend angelical. You also had a few unique traits of your own, such as your smoking habit, your tendency to avoid social interaction, and the air of hopelessness that you always carried with you.So most reapers were justifiably confused as to why you were friends with someone who was a loud socialite such as Grell Sutcliff, your total opposite in almost every way. And no one quite understood why Grell chose to hang out with you, either. And one day after reaping souls like normal, you and Grell discover a few things about each other that neither of you knew about in the first place.





	

**Author's Note:**

> SMUT DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT I ADDED LINES WHERE THE SMUT STARTS SO STOP THERE IF YOU LIKE.

[Name] watched as the Cinematic Records of another doomed soul rise up into the air and get sucked into her custom-made, gold-accented [F/C] lighter. The lighter wasn't her actual death scythe, which was strapped to her belt. What was unique about her lighter was that it provided lighter fuel for every time she wanted to smoke without "using up" the souls like a demon consumed them. [Name] took out her metal pocketbook-like case filled with fresh cigarettes and [a black, wand-like holder](http://www.smokersheavenshop.co.uk/images/D/2-filter-tip-longb.jpg) from her coat pocket. She pulled out a cigarette from her case and stuck it into the holder, putting it into her mouth as she lit it and took a drag, blowing dull [F/C/2] smoke into the night sky.

[Name] began walking back to Dispatch, the cigarette holder dangling from her mouth and the scent of smoke and her signature perfume surrounding her. [Name] suddenly stopped as she felt a pair of arms wrap themselves around her waist, and a few strands of red hair falling in front of her shoulders.

"Grell," she greeted the red reaper shortly, but not unkindly. "Is there something you need at the moment?"

Grell grinned, his fang-like teeth glinting in the dim moonlight. "Oh, [Name], you're so cold, just like my darling Bassy!" he gushed. "Is it so wrong that I simply want the pleasure of enjoying your company?"

[Name] shrugged. "I suppose not," she mumbled carelessly. "I've never seen the point--or had the luxury of socializing with anyone outside of work other than you."

Grell sighed. "You really do need to get out more often, darling," he chastised his friend and co-worker. "You can be absolutely charming if you just try! I've seen you before, you're just like Eric Slingby whenever he's at a party with Alan!"

Grell finally noticed [Name's] cigarette, and he plucked her cigarette holder from her mouth, taking out the cigarette and crushing it, throwing it onto the floor and sticking the holder into [Name's] coat pocket. "And when will you stop that _dreadful_  smoking habit of yours?" he complained. "I know we're immortal, but that doesn't mean you should exploit it on things like smoking!"

[Name] removed Grell's arms from her waist. "I smoke because I don't have hope," she replied, turning around to face Grell. "It's why I killed myself and came back as a reaper. It's the same reason hundreds of other grim reapers took their own lives. Because they all lost hope at some point in their lives. Every last one of them."

Grell pouted. "Oh, don't be such a downer, [Name]!" he lectured her. "You need to loosen up a bit. In fact, there's going to be a party at a nearby club tomorrow. You should come!" Grell got down on his knees and clasped his hands together, making the classic puppy-dog eyes to appear more helpless. "Please come, darling," he begged her. "If not for you, then do it for me! Just this once!"

[Name] sighed, grabbing Grell's wrist and pulling him to his feet. "Alright, fine. I'll go," she grumbled. "But only for you, and just this once. After this, never again."

Grell smiled brightly and hugged [Name]. "Oh, thank you for saying yes!" he thanked her before letting go and running off. "I'll see you at the party tomorrow!" he called, waving at her before leaping onto a building and vanishing from sight. [Name] sighed and lit a new cigarette, placing it into the holder and sticking it into her mouth again before taking another drag from her cigarette, blowing more smoke into the air.

"What did I just get myself into..."

The next night, [Name] arrived at the club Grell had told her about earlier this morning. After hearing the name of the club, she remembered that it was pretty popular, but you didn't need reservations to get inside. So that was where [Name] was headed at the moment, dressed in something a bit nicer than her normal work clothes. She wore a red lace blouse, black skinny jeans, and red one-inch pumps. She had a messenger bag slung across her chest, and her death scythe was hanging from her belt. Her usual cigarette holder dangled from her mouth as she approached the bouncer, told him her age, and she was escorted inside without a hassle. [Name] flinched at the sudden loud noise and flashing lights. Party-goers that smelled of sweat and booze were pressed together as they danced and drank. [Name] pushed her way through the crowd, and yelped slightly when someone grabbed her wrist and pulled her to a less crowded area near the left end of the club.

It was Grell. His long red hair was wild and messy, his eyes wide with excitement. "Oh, [Name]! You finally made it!" he greeted her excitedly, squeezing her tightly into a hug. "And you look absolutely  _stunning_! I promise you won't regret coming tonight!"

[Name] looked at him oddly as she pulled away. "I'm not sure if you're drunk or sober..." she muttered. "You act so crazy all the time it's hard to tell if you drink at clubs or not."

Grell laughed. "No, I'm perfectly sober, dear," he replied, before once again plucking [Name's] cigarette from her mouth, discarding it, and slipping [Name's] holder into her bag. "And no smoking for you tonight! Now go and have fun, [Name]. It _is_  a party, after all!"

With that, Grell skipped off, possibly to woo some dashing man or find any nice red outfits. [Name] sighed and made her way towards the bar. She was used to being by herself. Sometimes it was comforting. Other times it was just depressing. Now was a good time for isolation to be comfortable. [Name] sat down on a bar stool and called, "A glass of Bastille whiskey, on the rocks." to the bartender. If she couldn't smoke, then she'd at least drink something. A few minutes later, a glass of honey-colored whiskey with a few ice cubes was placed in front of her. [Name] raised her glass slightly in thanks before downing the entire thing. Her glass was refilled almost right after.

A few glasses later, a handsome looking man sat down next to [Name] and ordered the exact same thing she did. "You like French whiskey, too?" she asked him, her voice slurred slightly.

The man nodded. "I'm half, so it's my go-to when I'm out on the town," he replied, smiling at [Name] as her glass was refilled. "Buuut...not half whiskey...half Frenchie." The man held out his hand to [Name]. "Samuel Germain," he introduced himself. "I don't like being called 'Sam' or 'Sammy', though. They sound...they sound stooopid. You?"

[Name] shook Samuel's outstretched hand while simultaneously downing another glass of alcohol. "[Name] [Last]," she replied, smiling lopsidedly. "Nice t-to meetcha. And mmmight I say that you look very dashing tonight?"

Samuel laughed loudly as both of their glasses were refilled. "Thanks, tootsie," he replied. "I could say the same about...yooou. E-e-except you're beautiful, not dashing."

[Name] snorted. "Smooooth, man. Very smooth." Samuel shrugged and raised his glass. "Here's to those...those awkward first meetings that no one likes en...in...engaging in, but they end up turning out well, anyway."

[Name] smirked and clinked her glass against his. "Cheers," she replied as they both downed their glasses. [Name] suddenly felt very lightheaded. She rested her head on the counter top, giggling slightly. "I...I-I...I'm so waaaaasted right now," she mumbled, giggling a second time. "Like, sosososososo wasted, you would totally unbelievable how sooopremely wasted I am right now."

Somewhere in the distance, [Name] felt a pair of arms lift her up from her stool and drag her away from the bar. "Bye-bye Saaaaaaaammy!" she called to Samuel, who gave her a thumbs-up before passing out on the counter top.

"Oh, [Name]. I leave you alone for two hours, and you go off and get drunk," she heard someone familiar tell her in an annoyed tone of voice. "Maybe I should've just let you smoke, after all."

[Name] giggled, realizing who was pulling her. She attempted to walk but ended up stumbling, leaning on Grell's shoulder. "I...I'm being escorted by a strawberry carriage," [Name] giggled. "Not a pumpkin carriage, like in _Cinderella_ , but a straaaaaaaawberry carriage."

Grell let out an annoyed growl. "Oh, shut up, [Name]," he grumbled as he led her to his apartment, since [Name] was too drunk to even open a door properly. When they both made it to Grell's apartment, he led her to his couch, where she curled up into a ball, giggling quietly to herself until she finally fell asleep. Grell sighed tiredly as he tossed a red blanket over [Name's] sleeping form, and went to get ready for bed himself.

The next morning, Grell awoke to the sound of shattering glass. He immediately went into the kitchen to see what it was and saw [Name] gulping down water from a tall glass, a smaller one in pieces on the floor. [Name] looked over at Grell and shrugged. "My head hurts," she explained shortly. "And I broke one of your glasses. Sorry." [Name] sighed. "This is why I don't party, and that's another reason why I smoke," she muttered tiredly, rubbing her eyes. "I end up doing something stupid because I'm deprived of my harmless vice. Much more harmless than drinking."

[Name] put down her now-empty glass on the counter and went over to Grell, clapping him on the shoulder. "Thanks for taking care of me," she told him casually. She opened the door, waved slightly to Grell, and exited his apartment, shutting the door behind her. [Name] got back to her own apartment and immediately took a shower and changed into some clean clothes, lighting a new cigarette as she walked to Dispatch. When [Name] got to her office, there was a notice taped to the front of her office door. She read it and groaned internally. Her normal partner was out sick, and William T. Spears had volunteered to have Grell substitute as her partner for the day. William was an evil genius. He got Grell out of his hair for a day  _and_  fixed [Name's] no-partner problem. Fuck him.

And so that was how [Name] ended up reaping souls with Grell, and continuously dragging him away from the direction of the Phantomhive manor so that he would stay on task. Aside from that, she had to keep an eye on her cigarette in case Grell tried stealing it again. Eventually, night fell over London, and [Name] and Grell had finished their daily quota of souls to collect early.

"Well, we have ten minutes to spare," [Name] informed Grell as they sat upon a distant rooftop. "Besides visiting the Phantomhives and getting pummeled by Sebastian, what do you wanna do to pass the time?"

Grell's expression became thoughtful for a few minutes, and he snapped his fingers. "I know! Let's play Twenty Questions!" he told her excitedly. "I barely know anything about you, and it'd be nice to get to know you a bit better."

[Name] shrugged. "Sure, why not?" she replied nonchalantly. "I'll go first." [Name] thought about it for a bit, before asking, "Why _do_  you like Sebastian so much?"

Grell proceeded to animatedly ramble about his time as Madam Red's butler and how he kept trying to commit suicide and how Sebastian was so nice to him and how their love was like  _Romeo and Juliet_  and blahblahblahblahblah. Finally, Grell finished his little story and asked [Name], "When did you start smoking, and why did you _actually_  start smoking?"

[Name] sighed. "I started when I was eighteen, two years after my younger sibling died in a carriage crash," she replied neutrally. "Although that wasn't why I started. I started because my parents had gotten a divorce, my older sibling eloped to France to get married against my parents' wishes a year later without considering I'd be the only one left in an unstable family unit, and on top of all that, I was almost arrested for slapping a guy at a club who tried feeling me up. And why was I almost arrested? Because I'm a _girl_ , and the guy who almost arrested me was a sexist bastard, and his partner was a feminist. So we were both let off with a warning, and you know the rest."

[Name] sighed again. "I really hate telling people that story," she muttered. She looked at Grell, who's eyes were wide with shock. [Name] shrugged, taking another drag from her cigarette. "It doesn't matter now," she informed him. "It's in the past now, no point in worrying about old events from way back when. Anyway, have you ever crushed on anyone besides William and Sebastian?"

Grell snapped out of whatever stupor he was in and shrugged. "Not really," he replied simply, a dreamy look crossing his face. "Although I've met _many_  handsome men during my time as a reaper." Grell sat up a bit. "How about you, [Name] dear?" he asked her curiously. "Any handsome men catch your eye at the moment?"

[Name] suddenly stiffened. "It's just a friend of mine," she replied shortly, her tone making it clear that she didn't like this topic. "I haven't told him yet. I'm not even sure why I'm telling _you_. If I said anything, it'd just make things awkward between him and me."

Grell waved away her comment dismissively. "Oh, [Name], how bad can telling him possibly be?" he asked her. "After all, there's always that small chance that he likes you back! And if you _do_  get rejected, then I'll be here, ready to make you feel a bit better."

[Name] facepalmed, covering her eyes with her hand. "Okay, fine. I like _you_ ," she told him dejectedly, her face already tinged pink with humiliation. "But I never said anything because you like Sebastian and you want to be a woman and have his babies. So I figured, 'I'll just stick to being his friend, like in a cliche love story. And that would be enough. I'll be satisfied.' But of course it wasn't enough for me and of course, I wasn't satisfied because love doesn't discriminate between _anyone_. No matter how much it hurts them."

[Name] stood up, her head hanging down to conceal her face. "Goodnight, Grell," she told him before turning around and taking a drag from her cigarette. The [F/C/2] smoke surrounded her like a shroud as she leaped off the edge of the building, leaving Grell alone in the dark with nothing but his thoughts, new information, and the lingering scent of the perfume belonging to a woman who decided to live her entire second life with a broken heart for his sake.

Over the course of the next few weeks, [Name] went out of her way to avoid Grell as much as possible. Like she stated before, confessing only made things more awkward, so she was already doing Grell a favor by avoiding him. Sometimes, [Name] didn't even show up to work at all. Out of all the reapers in Dispatch, [Name] had the most vacation days, due to hundreds of hours of overtime and extra work and assignments. She literally stockpiled a bit over five years worth of vacation days, since the limit was ten years. So [Name] began showing up to work less often. She'd either show up on normal time and leave early, or not even bother to show up. And when [Name] did stay at home for the day, she'd be curled up in bed, smoking her cigarettes and reading, only ever getting out of bed to eat, shop, or attend to her personal hygiene. [Name] even began losing sleep, as most reapers could tell when she  _did_  show up to work, the bags under her eyes became darker every day she showed up for work.

One Saturday evening, however, [Name] was doing her normal routine of reading(she decided to take a break from smoking today) in her pajamas and sitting on the couch, a carton of tangerines sitting on the coffee table. A napkin already had the remnants of the orange peels from five tangerines sitting on it. She was unconcerned with the happenings in the outside world until she heard someone pounding on her door. At first, [Name] ignored the person, but she finally leaped up from the couch when she heard the familiar roar of a chainsaw from outside. She threw open the door and saw Grell Sutcliff standing on her porch, preparing to swing his chainsaw and cut down the door. When Grell saw [Name], he immediately lowered his chainsaw, turned it off, and propped it up near her door.

"The fuck are you doing here, Sutcliff?" [Name] asked with mixed amounts of incredulity and annoyance. "I was in the middle of a good book. You never interrupt someone when they're reading a good book. _Especially_  if it's the only thing that's keeping them sane."

Grell was about to reply, but he noticed that for once, there wasn't a cigarette holder protruding from [Name's] mouth or held between her fingers. "You're not smoking a cigarette," he said, not bothering to hide the astonishment in his voice.

[Name] rolled her eyes. "Well done, Sherlock Holmes," she replied sarcastically. "I didn't quit, I'm just taking a break for today. Now tell me: why the hell were you right about to cut down my door at nine o' clock in the evening?!"

Grell's expression turned annoyed. "You barely show up to work anymore!" he cried angrily. "I hardly ever see you because you're either avoiding me or you just outright not come to work!"

[Name] laughed harshly. "Yeah well, considering what happened a few weeks ago and the events I had to relive, I think my staying home from work is completely justifiable," she replied, moving her hand to the door so she could slam it shut, but Grell caught her wrist and held it in place. [Name's] expression darkened. "If you're just here in William's place to lecture me about missing work, then I think our conversation is done here."

She tried shutting the door again, but Grell's arm remained steadfast. "That's not why I'm here, would you just listen to me?!" he asked angrily.

[Name] laughed again. "Oh, and what do you think I've been doing ever since I met you?" she yelled as she wrenched her arm from Grell's grasp and tried closing the door again, but he suddenly grabbed her wrists and pinned them above her head, slamming her against the apartment wall outside her door, his eyes dancing with rage and...something else.

"I've been doing nothing but listening to your stories about how hot Sebastian is, how amazing Sebastian is, how great of a kisser Sebastian is. Sebastian, Sebastian, Sebastian, _mother_ _fucking_  Sebastian!!" [Name] screamed, her vision becoming blurry as the tears began to fall. "And if you're not going to listen to _me_ , then why won't you just leave me alone to suffer?! You have no feelings for me anyway, so why bother coming all the way here if you won't even let me--mmph!"

[Name's] rant was immediately cut short when Grell suddenly smashed his lips against hers. He roughly bit down on her lower lip and drew blood, sucking on it slightly to stop the blood flow before moving his mouth to her neck. [Name's] body remained frozen as one of Grell's hands kept her wrists pinned above her head, and the other arm wrapped itself around her waist, pulling her body flush against his. Grell bit at the skin of [Name's] neck, drawing blood again and sucking and biting on the flesh. When Grell saw that he left a hickey on her neck, he grinned and leaned in slightly, his breath hitting the shell of her ear.

"Will you listen to me now?" he growled into her ear as he dragged [Name] back into her apartment, slammed the door shut, and immediately went into her bedroom, which smelled faintly like scented candle smoke.

* * *

THIS IS MY FIRST TIME WRITING A LEMON, PLEASE DON'T JUDGE!

* * *

Grell pushed [Name] onto the bed and crawled on top of her. He kissed her more gently this time, moaning slightly as [Name] instinctively tugged on his ridiculously long hair. [Name] felt the area between her legs heat up, and she suddenly became very aware of a bulge pressing against her crotch as she felt Grell grind against her clothed nether regions. Grell lowered his hands to the hem of her nightgown and looked at her questioningly. [Name] had no idea if she liked the direction this was headed or not, but she gave a tiny nod of confirmation, anyway.

Grell grinned ferally and pulled [Name's] nightgown over her head, tossing it carelessly to the floor and leaving her in nothing but a pair of plain white panties. [Name] yelped slightly and covered her breasts with her arms. Grell shook his head and moved her arms to wrap themselves around his neck. Grell leaned in to kiss her, his lips ghosting over hers.

"Don't hide from me, darling~" Grell purred against [Name's] lips. "You're aaall mine tonight, and I want to see every last inch of you."

Grell kissed [Name] harshly, moving his hands from her bare waist to her breasts and proceeding to squeeze and fondle them. [Name] moaned into Grell's mouth at the blissful feeling of his hands on her breasts. [Name] suddenly stiffened as Grell's hands slid downward again, moving much lower than her waist as he hooked his fingers under the waistband of her panties and pulled them off of her legs, tossing these to the floor as well. Grell kissed [Name] sweetly as he removed his gloves, discarded them to the floor, and suddenly thrusted two of his fingers into her clit.

[Name] yelled and arched her back as Grell curled and scissored his fingers inside of her. He grinned sadistically at her reaction and kissed her again as [Name] choked down a sob and came on Grell's fingers. [Name] whimpered, her gaze half-lidded and her face bright red as she watched Grell lick her cum off of his fingers.

"My, my. You taste _delicious_ , darling~" he cooed seductively as [Name's] face flushed a bright red. Grell then lowered his face to her nether regions and inserted his tongue into her core without hesitation. [Name] groaned loudly, her voice high-pitched as she felt Grell's wet tongue lick and stroke her inner walls. He continued to stroke [Name's] walls until she began whimpering, ''Grell, I'm about to-" Grell smirked and moved away from [Name's] clit, who moaned slightly at the sudden loss of contact.

"Grell, you bastard," she murmured as she watched Grell stand up and remove his clothes, one by one, starting with his tie, then his signature red coat, and his vest, shirt, shoes, and socks, till he wore nothing but his pants and his boxers. Grell smirked as he watched [Name] staring with wide eyes and red cheeks, at every little detail on his body.

"Like what you see~?" he asked her flirtatiously as he shimmied out of his pants, only his boxers remaining. Grell finally pulled down his boxers, revealing his fully erect member. [Name's] eyes widened even more as Grell got on top of her once more, lining his length up with her entrance.

"Please..." she whispered quietly.

Grell smirked wickedly and teased [Name's] breasts with his fingers. "What was that, darling?" he asked, pretending to not hear [Name's] pleads as he kissed the valley between her breasts. "I want you to beg for it, [Name]~" he murmured into her breasts, his voice sending vibrations into her chest.

[Name] growled and attempted to control her rapid breathing. "Grell Sutcliff," she snarled. "I swear to God if you don't fuck me right now, I'm going to--oh, dear God!" she screamed as Grell suddenly thrusted into her. He grinned ferally as he continued pounding into her mercilessly. "Well, [Name], if you swore to God, then I can do nothing else but comply to your wishes!" he replied amiably while simultaneously stealing [Name's] virginity.

Grell pinned her to the bed with his arms, leaned in, and licked her earlobe. "Has anyone else made you feel this good?" he purred into her ear. [Name] bit her tongue and shook her head silently. Grell raised an eyebrow and traced his finger along the outline of her lips. "Now now, darling," he chastised her with fake sternness. "What did I tell you about hiding all of your little noises from me?"

With that question in mind, Grell angled his hips, finding [Name's] sweet spot, causing her to scream and let loose a slew of curses and name-shouting. "Now, who do you belong to, darling~?" he asked her.

[Name] swore. "Only you, no one but you!" she cried as Grell gave her another hickey near her collarbone. "And will you let anyone else touch you like this?" he asked, his voice turning a bit huskier. [Name] shook her head, a strange heat pooling in her stomach. "No, no, no," she replied shakily, her mind going blank. "I won't...ah, Grell! GRELL!"

Grell's grin looked positively evil in the fading moonlight. "That's right, darling~" he cooed, cupping [Name's] face gently and kissing the corner of her mouth. " _Now come,_ " he growled against her partially opened mouth before pulling [Name] into a bruising kiss and muffling her screams as she came onto his length. Grell thrusted into her a few final times before coming as well, shooting his semen into her.

The two reapers lay there on the bed for a few moments, both panting heavily before Grell pulled out of [Name], threw the covers over the two of them, and hugged her waist tightly. [Name] curled into Grell's lean form and began crying silently. Grell noticed anyway and wiped her tears from her cheeks before kissing her sweetly and rubbing her back as she shook slightly.

"Se...Sebastian..." [Name] murmured shakily. Grell shook his head and twirled a lock of [Name's] hair around his finger. "He's out of the picture, darling~" he whispered into her ear. "It's just you and me, now." Grell felt [Name's] bare chest rise and fall against his own for a few minutes, before it stopped moving entirely, as all grim reapers slept without breathing. Eventually, Grell kissed the crown of [Name's] head and whispered, "Goodnight, darling. I love you~" before falling asleep as well.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope Grell isn't OOC... O_O
> 
> Oh, and I added some "Hamilton" references. Try to spot them!


End file.
